“I am not my detachment”

Don’t get me wrong; I want you to know me. Find out what makes me tick: learn what gets me angry; discover what makes me vulnerable. I want you to know why I’m scared of commitment, or that I’d rather run and hide than risk facing rejection.

I detach emotionally because it often feels like the only way to protect myself from harm. From a young age, I learnt that if I didn’t look out for myself, protect myself, then I was bound to get hurt.

If I express my vulnerabilities, they will be utilized as a weapon against me. Because, to me, letting people in certainly means opening myself up to potential wounds. But yet I want so badly to expose my scars, my fears and past, and to then see you wholly accept me.

So, with this knowledge in mind, I still make the conscious decision to allow you into my life. I’ve chosen to let you gain insight into my past, my fears, and my flaws. Can I guarantee that you won’t judge me? Hell no. Can I be even remotely sure that you will respect me despite my emotional scars? Absolutely not. Am I taking a risk that no matter the judgment, no matter the inherent fear that you may reject me, I will still open myself up to others? Yes.

I choose to let you in. And I will do so without regret.