My insecurity of being born prematurely and as a result being given Cerebral Palsy affects my life in many ways, both positively and challenging. Growing up I really never knew what my life was going to be like, (and I know many people may say that) but having been stared at because I use crutches or a walker I felt different for a long time…and at times still do. Ever since Yoga came into my life six years ago, I knew in my Heart that THIS is the reason I have CP, THIS is the reason I was given this gift.
Where I feel my challenge of insecurity comes most strongly is when I think about when my time will come to be and experience a relationship with a guy, a man…what will they think? Will they think that I am too needy, because I do need more help than, say a more able bodied woman? And see, there comes my insecurity again where I think too ahead and project. I am a very determined, caring passionate young woman and when something bothers me, depending on what the situation is, I can get very frustrated, irritated, annoyed, and worry… and I sometimes think, “What will this future person that I will meet someday think when I do have my moments of frustration and worry?”
Having this gift of physical challenge, I feel that I have a deep appreciation for connection, friendship and the older that I am getting the more that I feel I am wanting to share my insecurities with people that I meet that I feel connected to in a special way. I am learning that what we feel is nothing to be ashamed of and that being vulnerable is a gift to ourselves and to those that we appreciate and feel connected to. As one of my dear teachers Elena Brower says, “Vulnerability is the best medicine” and that is so beautiful and true because having CP now for 25 years, I have been vulnerable in a lot of aspects of my life and Yoga is teaching me to be even more vulnerable with myself; to not be afraid of what other people may think, to just go for it. To embrace that feeling of excitement and at (many) times fear; but to know that this is all a part of life and the experience. Yes, it may be scary and often times it is but it is also a beautiful feeling knowing that we are embracing ourselves wholeheartedly and showing the world and the people around us that this is who I AM. I AM a strong, beautiful, capable woman who can do anything I put my mind and heart to!