“I am not my voice”

So where do I begin? I am not my voice I just got that! I want to be that, I want to be my VOICE. Not to step on others, but so that others can deal with me honestly, but how can they when I don’t let them see the real me. You know what that is not even honest that was the safe answer. I want to be heard I want to be accepted for who I am and not care what others think. I am tired of selling myself short at the risk of upsetting others and in doing so I get viewed as weak. Who am I? Ever want to scream at the top of your lungs this is who I am, I do and it is slowly killing me to keep silent! So what if you do not like whom I am, what I say or what I think. Why do I care because I want to feel connection, what if I say something wrong and you go away! So how do I merge these things, speaking my truth, not stepping on others and accepting who I am? This is what I am over coming in learning to find my VOICE. Why do we sing when no one is listening or dance when no one is watching? For me it is because it is safe, safe from judgment and again I ask. Why do I care? Fear of being wrong comes to mind. What if I am wrong that makes me laugh because my answer is SO WHAT, yet I harbor that because it is safe? Fuck being safe I don’t want to be safe anymore I want to live before I die!

Most of our insecurities come from other people putting their judgment on us and we take that as our truth! So before I go any further I take full responsibility for allowing this, because I realize that my resentment really comes from my anger of not SPEAKING UP for my self. I won’t play the victim anymore, I have a choice. Now what, no more excuses. I can try to blame my up bringing; I was to be seen and not heard and picked a marriage to support that because it was safe. But ultimately all responsibility lies with me. I want the power over my own life, my thoughts my feeling and the only way to do that is to stand up and own it. I want to move, grow, shed my old thoughts and patterns, and at the same time honor my past and all that it was because it is a part of who I am, but just like the cloths of my past I use to wear I don’t ware anymore because they do not align with who I am now. SPEAK UP!