I feel embarrassed, self-centered, attention seeking and uncomfortable talking about my life and my problems (what problems could you have, you just want attention). I could talk about my ongoing struggle with depression (everyone has depression these days this is nothing noteworthy) or the body image and disorded eating issues (stop using the word “issues” people will think there’s something wrong with you (there is something wrong with you)) I’ve had since middle school (everyone goes through that in middle school) or the guilt I have for feeling this way, because my life is objectively perfect with relentless love and support from every single person I’ve opened up to about this (stop bragging).
But instead I’m talking about how strongly my inner dialogue and my inner voice convinces me that I am a bad person, day in and day out, with everything I do (this is a shitty writing style stop trying so hard). I berate myself for not being skinny enough (skinny enough for who) and for listening to certain kinds of music (who cares if you listen to GoldLink or Justin Bieber (stop name dropping your hipster artists)). I feel self-conscious eating anything by myself (that’s so stupid you’re fine).
Everything I do feels dishonest and shameful, because of my continuous and relentless lack of self-respect. I am the worst person I know – a statement that represents the problem, while being itself a manifestation of it (what a pretentious sentence).
I’m working on it.