“I am not my passiveness”

I had always been a happy, positive, glass half full kind of person. Sheltered through most of my childhood, I hadn’t yet been exposed to how cruel people could be. Although I have always been a bit shy, going into high school I was confident, outgoing, and very social. I loved myself and I believed I was capable of anything.

In my teenage years , one experience after another crushed my confidence. Through friend betrayals, unfaithful boyfriends, people who told me I was ugly, fat…I was convinced that something was wrong with me. I felt like I wasn’t good enough for anyone. When someone would hurt me I never told them that they were in the wrong. I held my tongue because in a crazy way I believed that I deserved to be treated this way. I let people walk all over me.

My passiveness stems from a lack of confidence and a lack of respect & love for myself. People judge me for being passive because they see it as a weakness. They don’t understand. They don’t know what I’ve been through.

I’ve worked hard over the years to try and learn to love myself again, to walk with my head up, and to believe others when they give me a compliment. I’ve come a long way and I am proud of myself for that. I have bad days & I have good days but one thing I do know, I am not my passiveness.