Paranoia is one of the several habitual thinking patterns that rotate through my mind. I always said that I didn’t care what people thought of me but over time, I grew more and more paranoid that people were planning and plotting behind my back. This came from a deep shame caused from my heavy drinking and my actions while drinking.
When you can’t remember or have to piece together the night before your mind thinks the worst and creates scenarios that make you believe everyone is against you. Fortunately, this mode of thinking can be cut at it’s root by choosing to live a more mindful life and find out why I drink. Realizing that escapism is actually imprisoning was the best lesson I ever learned.