“I am not my guard”

I’ve had a pretty nice life. No divorce, no abuse, no family addictions, no real problems in my family. But for my teenage years I’ve struggled with myself on many things. I’ve been through depression, mistrust, no self-worth and more. My what I be helps me to portray what I could never say, literally. There are not too many people who know my back-story. They know me at school, at church, sports, whatever. But they don’t know that much about me. I box myself in. I don’t say anything. They don’t ask, I don’t tell, it’s as simple as that. It’s not a trust issue with others, but more of one with myself. I feel like it’s not worth it to say anything. They don’t need to know, why worthy them? It’s nothing I can’t handle on my own. But over time I’ve realized that I can keep these guards and walls up. All the worries, hopes, dreams, sadness, problems, everything gets built up until you feel as though you’re going to burst.

I’ve kept all of this in for so long, I know that I won’t spill it all out at once to random people, therefore I know I won’t get hurt. The key is those first few. As I open up to them I know that the guards are being lowered, and no blows are coming.