“I am not my figure”

Let’s dress up for the Oscars, just for fun. We can do our hair and makeup, and wear pretty dresses. It’ll be great.
Sounds great, but it’s a bit harder than that. While my sister goes off to some thrift store and finds an old prom dress that looks great on her for $10 bucks, I can’t find a single thing. Yeah, there are dresses that look like they will fit, but then I put them on to find that the zipper can’t quite zip up all the way. Sometimes I have an inch of space at the top. Sometimes I have 6 inches of space, if I’ve misjudged the dress badly enough. But it’s almost always the same. Not quite. This has happened so often that it’s my unit of measurement for how well a dress fits. Wow, that dress fit nice, only an inch of space. Nope, that dress didn’t fit at all, there’s enough space to go from my thumb to my pinky.

I found a dress once that fit really well. It was cream. It had a sweetheart neckline, but there was netting on the top where fake jewels were added, making a sleeveless dress. It hugged my curves until the knee where the skirt billowed out in a mermaid style. I loved that dress because it finally made me feel pretty. But where would I wear it? I still wasn’t sure of whether or not I would go to senior prom a year later. I never went to any fancy parties. And with a price tag of $120 dollars, it wasn’t worth it to buy it just to wear for watching the Oscars.

I’ve thought about that dress a lot since then, every time I try on a pretty, long-skirted dress that doesn’t fit. When prom came around, I really regretted not buying that dress, though in the end I didn’t go. And now, with my cousin’s wedding around the corner, I worried that once again, I won’t be able to find a dress I like that actually fits me.
I’m working to get in better shape, hoping that this will help some of my problems. But I know that I will never truly be able to escape the fact that I’m not exactly like the sizes found in most stores. And I think I’m okay with that. Well, I’m working towards being okay with that.