“I am not my extraversion”

Throughout my life, I have been called “obnoxious”, “annoying” “aggressive”, and “too much to handle”, all of which, I am ashamed to say are true.. I’ve had people decide that they hate me, just because of how outgoing I am. They never even took the time to say one word to me, before they put those labels on me. I give off this vibe because of one thing; I always strive to be the center of attention. For as long as I can remember, I loved being in the spot light.

Groups of people with all their attention directed my way, gave me a sense of pride like nothing else did. Little did I know that sense of pride came with a huge sacrifice. People started to dislike me. Not only did I love attention, but the fear of being rejected ran deep in me. So the more I was the center of attention, the more people disliked me. And the more people disliked me, the harder I tried. I just didn’t know how to try any other way, then being as extraverted as I could. It was a treacherous cycle That always ended with more and more people not wanting to be around me. Around Christmas time of my freshman year, I became depressed. It all just became to much to handle, and I broke. I became bulimic, and even cut myself a couple different times. The last thing I wanted at that time was sympathy from my peers. So I put on a mask of happiness at school. I became more extraverted then ever, and my depression grew and grew.

All I wanted was to be happy again, and I was tired of pretending I was so I started talking to a close group of friends. They helped me realize that my outgoing personality was never going to leave. It was who I was. So, even though I still get embarrassed after a loud or annoying episode of mine, and while being called those names, are still some of the most painful moments, Im trying not to let it bother me as much, Because the people that can see past it, realize, I am so much more than just my extraversion.