It was really hard to get me to smile, or react to anything in much of a positive way. It was a constant battle every day, with people around me and myself. Everything I felt was like an emotion on the highest volume possible, and I was often (almost always) incapable to monitor that volume. Uncomfortable is the best word I can use to describe it. I wasn’t just sad, or having a bad day – it was a dull pain pounding, pushing and writhing throughout my body.
As a young girl I went through several stressful things at home. That on top of my sensitive and passionate personality added up to some tough years in my early adolescence. I got into trouble, I hurt others, I hurt myself – I made mistakes.
After several years of therapy, being on medicine and working harder than I ever have in my life to come off of it – I am here today, a strong young woman shooting for the stars to achieve what I want. I am proud of myself, I am proud to be who I am – during my now few moments of sad despair where I still can’t always control my emotional volume and during my moments of sheer joy; I do my best to soak up every second of it all.
Ironically enough, my Mom has always called me ‘Sunshine’ as an endearing nickname. Apparently this is fitting because I have a Sunshine-y affect on things and people, I mean she is my Mom she has to say stuff like that, right? I used to feel ‘Dark & Cloudy’, with no escape from that feeling; I think I was just a little lost. But I realize now that I choose what I want to be, I want to be Sunshine, I want to make others and myself smile – so I am.