“I am not my communication”

I’m usually the timid one, the shy one who just sits back and listens to conversations, never really finding an appropriate moment to chime in. I also hardly ever feel like what I have to say really matters, like my voice doesn’t have value regardless of the people I’m around. I’ve always been the follower, the listener, rarely the one putting my own desires into action and have been trying over the last several years to change that.

A bout a year ago I was unemployed searching for work not having much luck. At that time there was a very strong pull towards considering what kind of job I’d actually WANTED to do. I knew I liked photography but never really consider it as something to do full time. When I started seriously entertaining the idea more I was reminded of a conversation I’d had with a photographer friend up in Seattle. He told me I needed to find a niche. He asked me a bit about myself and found out I was a musician who graduated from Berklee College of Music and had been in bands all of my teenage years, I’d even been a Tour Manager for a DJ at 19. He suggested I try music photography. I wasn’t sold on it being a good fit at the time but appreciated that conversation nonetheless.

With that in back of my head, several months passed. I wasn’t any closer to really honing in on my niche, no jobs were coming and I was still unemployed but then I found out my favorite band was doing a solo tour through California. This little voice in my head said, try and photograph it what’s the worse that could happen. So I did. I contacted several people and luckily one of them said yes. I rented all the gear I needed and shot at the House of Blues in Anaheim, CA. That whole night was about owning it. I was there for me, for my art, my voice. I was speaking through my photography and didn’t even know it at the time. I had never shot a concert before but I left that show buzzing and glowing with happiness. I knew I had found my niche.

Since then, I’ve been lucky enough to shoot for some amazing bands that I love and respect dearly. My favorite part is sharing my work with everyone. It’s my way of communicating and expressing my emotion to the world. It does have its trying times for me though. There have been many emotional ups and downs that could have been alleviated if I were better a communicating openly with people what I want. Sometimes I feel competitive energy around me sometimes. It forces me back into my shy and timid state of being, back to a follower and not leading for myself.

I’ve been struggling to rise up regardless and remind myself to just keep going, don’t give up, be grateful, stay positive, be nice to everyone, you have a purpose, don’t be afraid to put yourself out there, you do good work and no one can take that away from you.