“I am not my change”

In the past year and a half, my life has changed dramatically and it keeps changing every day. My mother was diagnosed with endometrial cancer, one of the most treatable forms of cancer, in September of 2012; she died on January 26, 2013. It is extremely difficult trying to move on from the loss of a mother and best friend especially since, even know, over a year later, there are still people who are unaware of her death and I have to relive it all over again when explaining what happened. I imagine it would also be easier without more major changes happening, in rather quick succession.

In September of 2013, my father, with innocent intentions, reconnected with his first love. After 35 years, it was not expected to be anything more than a “Good to see you. How’ve you been?” Seven months later, they are now looking at engagement rings and houses that are a midway point between her 2 grown children and my brother and me. Did I mention she lives in southern Virginia? Marriage talk has been happening for a few months between them, meaning that anywhere from one to two years from now, my father will be about 4 hours away from me and my brother and I will be on our own which, coming from such a tight knit family, is a nerve-racking thought.

My best friend, who for the past 10 years has lived 2 streets over, is moving in with her boyfriend 30 minutes away. I’m not going to see her nearly as often as I used. My other best friend is married and is currently expecting a baby girl (she’s due next month), resulting in a major change. All of us (my two best friends and I) are graduating college this semester; we are going to be thrown into the real world without the safety net of school. My friends are growing up already, being out on their own, but I do not feel ready for that. Yet, I know that I have no choice – this change is happening. And all of these changes are happening at once, one after another.

Whether I like it or not, the fact of the matter is that these changes are happening. I am not going to try and talk my father out of his happiness because I am nervous of what will happen after he moves away. I am not going to try and stop my best friend from moving in with her boyfriend because I want more time with her. And I am not going to hide after graduation because I am scared of how I will make out in the real world.

I know that things change. I know that things need to change for life to keep moving. I am doing my best to accept and be happy about these changes. I am an eternal optimist and now I just need to focus my optimism on all the good that can come out of these changes, not only for me but for the people I love: my father will find happiness and have someone to grow old with, my best friend may be living with her soul mate, my other best friend is about to become a mother, and I am graduating after 4 years of hard work. Consistent change is difficult for me but now I am realizing that this is what is meant to happen – and I am starting to believe that only good can come of it.