My insecurities started with my parents divorce and seeing my father cheat on my mother. This was my interpretation of love. I moved around a lot which was really difficult and started to develop my anxiety attacks and mistreatment of my body. I hid a lot because I wanted to be perfect for my family and friends. I didn’t want my struggles to be seen by anyone besides me. I went to counseling to help out with things. I opened up to my boyfriends then was cheated on over and over again by different guys. This made me think that I shouldn’t be honest and open about my problems. I started throwing up my food and didn’t tell a soul. I gave myself up easily to guys that would make me feel good about myself for an hour.
I tried to control outcomes with manipulation. I would think a lot about the future and have anxiety when I was afraid of the future. I’d have anxiety about the things that happened in the past that I wasn’t proud of.
With time and realizing that I can’t help a lot of my insecurities like my body or sweaty hands, I decided to let the control freak in me go.
I’m still not perfect and that’s okay.
I didn’t want people seeing those little flaws in my past. My biggest fear is being misunderstood so finding the right words was very important. In the end I learned that every struggle IS apart of me and has helped build me into who I am today.
I was soooo happy to discover that it all fit together beautifully.