“I am not my body”

My body image has always been an issue for me. I have been overweight my entire life and despite what I’ve done to fight it, it always seems to follow me. I do my best to portray confidence, but I so badly wish I could change my physical appearance. There are so many days that I wake up and I don’t even feel pretty, much less beautiful. Getting dressed is a process. Sometimes, just looking in the mirror causes me pain. Not to mention when people find out I’m an athlete. I couldn’t possibly be an athlete with the way I look. I am judged by my appearance more than my actual capability.

I often wonder what it would be like to wake up in the morning and feel good about myself. I wonder what it would be like to look at a shirt I love and not wonder if they have it in “my size”….to walk in a room and not be concerned with how people look at me because I’m bigger than everyone else. More than anything, my body has made me feel that I am unworthy of love. I look at myself and wonder how anyone could love me, I don’t even love myself enough to love another. I will always carry my weight with me, figuratively, hopefully not literally.