“I am not my blushing”

For as long as I can remember people have asked me, “Why is your face so red?” or “You are really red.” Or “Are you burnt because you are really red.” I have heard it all from “Why is your face so red?” To “Watch out she’s turning red, she’s getting angry.” I realize this insecurity is nothing compared the struggles one has with their body images or being sexually assaulted but it’s still a part of me. Every emotion I have, anger, nervousness, happy, sad, shows across my face with just one thing, the color red.

When people make any type of comment towards me it normally makes it worse. And then they love to point at it and talk about how it turns even redder. Or people love to play the game of who can make Hannah the reddest. So not only am I then red and hot and embarrassed, I have people staring at me and most times laughing. The worst is when somebody asks me why I am so red and then they go to poke me so they can see it go from red to white back to red. It’s as if they don’t care about why it’s red, they just like to joke about it as if I’m a side show and a game.

I realize this is a small insecurity compared to what other people have gone through and a small thing in the world to care about but it’s still a part of me. You can change how a person looks or what they weigh with determination, hard work, or surgery. You can work to overcome sexual assault with time and people who are there to support you. It all may still be a part of you on the inside, but how can you overcome or change something as small as blushing and showing every emotion. For every awkward, embarrassing, nervous moment I have I know I will always blush and have hives and will always be asked, “Why is your face so red?”