“I am not my attachments”

Being a twin definitely has its perks: there’s always a friend around when you need it. But it comes with its insecurities too. I know, without a doubt, that my sister is the person I love the most on this planet. Whenever we’re apart, I’m terrified that we’ll never see each other again. I know the fear is unfounded and a little crazy, but it’s almost always there.

Now, as my future begins, I’m scared I won’t be able to cope. I’m unsure as to how to make any decision that takes me away from her. What if being separated physically leads to us being separated in a more significant way? Questions and doubts haunt every choice I make. What if I end up sacrificing what I want to do and be in order to stay close to my sister? Will I end up holding grudges and full of regrets? What if I do what I want and we become distant and unimportant to each other?

I feel like it will be impossible for me to let go and live my own life, always afraid that I may do something to mess with what I have. Because of that, I’m afraid that I won’t be able to move forward and become my own person.

I don’t think that fear is ever going to go away. In so many ways, I’m afraid of losing my soul mate, my other half. It scares me to death that our futures may be connected instead of intertwined.

As I take my first steps towards college and a new chapter, I understand my ties to my friends and my family. I am in no way cured of my fears, but I’m hoping that as my questions become certainties, the fear will start to ebb. I hope that distance and growing up will strengthen my bonds with others rather than breaking them. I have faith in my choices and in myself. I will not let my fear of loss run my life. I may be a twin, the youngest child, and afraid of the future, but I am not my attachments.