“I am not my attachment”

I had a difficult time making friends throughout all of middle school and for a large part of high school. I was painfully shy because I couldn’t speak English well enough for the American students and didn’t act Thai enough for the local students. I didn’t know what to say to fit in. As a result, I spent the majority of my time buried in books (which definitely didn’t help me meet more people). Even now, I have flashes of crippling self-doubt, where all I want to do is crawl back to my room instead of meeting people and being an unwelcome presence.

I continuously struggle with self-esteem issues–of constantly feeling like I am not interesting enough, not clever enough, not pretty enough. Not good enough to have friends. I have fears of getting too attached to someone for fear that the other person does not care at all.

My feelings have terrified me into suppressing them before, but I have been learning painstakingly slowly that my insecurities do not make me crazy. My emotions do not make me crazy.

They make me human.