“I am not my Alopecia”

Oh, insecurities.

It takes vulnerability to share openly about our insecurities. But even the most confident person feels insecure at times. Lately, I have realized that most of my thoughts of insecurity, never have anything to do with my lack of hair. They are the thoughts of “not enough”: Am I special enough? Talented enough? But the big one, that is depending on my lack of hair: Am I attractive enough?

When I get asked if I have cancer and that’s why I have no hair, there are times when I get annoyed and a little angry ( on the inside). What that triggers is the fact that my entire life, up until 4 years ago, I was never looked at with the assumption of being sick. I didn’t receive pity looks or comments. I didn’t get the reassuring “You are beautiful” comments. And to all of a sudden see people looking at me differently, can be confronting. I don’t get triggered by it as often any more. It depends on my state of mind and mood. Mostly I welcome people’s questions and curiosity. But in the beginning, going from a typically pretty blonde woman, to someone who looks different from the norm and seeing people behaving differently around me, was a very strange experience.

Feeling insecure at times is normal. I don’t think there is a way out of it. I’d say, fall in love with your insecurities. Love them. They are only thoughts and not who you really are. Love the thought. Before you know it, it’ll dissolve.

Until next time…. That’s the beauty of being human.