Will anyone Listen? Will anyone care? Do I make a difference? Does any of this Matter?
Everyday I push these thoughts to the back of my mind. If I ignore these questions maybe they will go away.
Sometimes they come back stronger.
Each time I accomplish something I have to ask myself, Is this good enough? Why didn’t I do better? Should I just quit now?
Do these successes belong to me?
Or is it just building up to a bigger failure?
When I strive to improve, to create, to achieve, is it all in spite of these questions?
Or is it all in an attempt to answer these questions with a yes.
YES. I will make a difference. I will succeed.
But the questions are still there. And the thoughts never go away. Regardless of what I achieve, no matter how hard I try, it all falls away and I am left asking the same questions
Over and over again,
Until I am back, where I started.
The weight of my doubts anchoring me to a forever changing and surging sea, that I fear I’ll never leave.
Does anyone else feel the same way that I do?
Am I completely alone with these thoughts?
Even if I make a louder noise will it be loud enough for anyone to notice. And even if they do, will it matter?
My insecurities cause me to struggle, but they also push me to try to overcome.
Knowing that I have these insecurities and doubts makes me think about my interactions with others, wondering what issues others struggle with. What they have overcome or what they face on daily basis.
Everyone else looks so perfect, everyone is so pretty.
They can’t possibly face the same issues or struggles that I do. How could they?
I know some have it worse. Far far worse. Does that mean my doubts don’t matter? Does that mean that what I feel is invalid?
I don’t know if these thoughts will ever leave me be. I don’t know if I will ever be able to feel like I’ve achieved something that is worthy of being recognized. I don’t know if I will ever be one of these beautiful people.
But despite all of these doubts, I will try to achieve. I won’t give up struggling to prove myself wrong.
I won’t stop trying to silence these voices in the back of my head.
And I believe if are all honest about our doubts, fears and insecurities we may find we are not all that different.
And perhaps we can help each other rise above our doubts and silence those tiny voices in our heads.
Those tiny voices that feel so loud and make us feel so small.