My insecurity regarding my mediocrity has had a generally negative impact on me, as I believe it has severely hindered my potential interactions with others, as well as my satisfaction in life. Because of my mediocrity, I tend to feel jealous of others’ success, as it reminds me of my perceived failures. It is unfair to them that I am unable to appreciate their success, and that I sometimes find myself hoping for their failures instead. Another aspect about my personality this has impacted is that I often seek for others to validate my value, and I feel that if they don’t want to get to know me, then I am failing as a relatable individual by generating a lack of interest from others.
Additionally, though I have academically exceeded several of my peers, I know that because of my fortunate upbringing, I have not had to work as hard as I believe others have worked. I have not achieved my full potential and it is being hindered by my laziness and lack of motivation to work harder than the minimum effort. I feel this way because I recognize that there are others who are either the same age or younger than myself who have achieved so much more, and I am confident that they have had a more difficult upbringing than myself. I am too satisfied with the mediocrity of my current situation that I find little drive to work harder, yet I am dissatisfied when I compare my achievements with those of others.
I am more aware of the flaws of this insecurity, and I find that this perpetuates my lack of drive. The only positive impact of this aspect of me is that I believe I am relatively low maintenance and tend to try to prevent becoming a burden to others because I know others’ problems are generally more significant than my own. However, I more often reflect upon the negative impacts, which convinces me that I am merely deluding myself into thinking of the greatness I believe I can accomplish.