Emotions. We all have them. Certain emotions are more extreme than others and not everyone feels them as intensely as the next person. When it comes to my emotions, they tend to be extremely heightened and all over the place. They easily fluctuate and within a 24 hour period I can be- happy, sad, excited, depressed, angry, confused. One minute I can be content and then the next minute I go the complete opposite. The problem is, I don’t know what sets off those sudden internal shifts. It can happen out of nowhere. I do get insecure about my emotional state…or should I say states? I feel like people don’t understand me, and you know what, I sometimes don’t understand myself either.
My emotions are constantly running wild. I sometimes think past friendships and relationships have crumbled due to this. People can’t handle it; they don’t know what to do. I find myself having to defend why I feel a certain way. I shouldn’t have to vouch for the way I feel. It’s not my fault. You can call it a chemical imbalance. I call it my life. Recently a long-term relationship of mine ended as well as a friendship or two in the past few years. Do I know why any of them ended? No. But that’s where my insecurity kicks in. Was I too needy? Was there too much crying? Did I love too much? I constantly run these past events in my head to see what I could have changed. Was my emotional state too much for these people? I get so insecure that me and my emotions screw everything up for myself.
Yes, I “overreact”. Yes, I’m confrontational. Yes, I cry… a lot. But that’s just me. I posses this “quality” of my emotions being all over the place but it does not define who I am. I am so much more than my emotions. I am kind and genuine and give my all to the people I love and care about. Emotions are an important element of one’s identity, but they cannot possibly define them 100%. Naturally, my emotions are a big part of who I am, but I will not let it sabotage my relationships with others and more importantly, I will not let it affect the way I view myself.