“I am not my disease”

Project Description:

I am not this disease.
I am a procrastinator. I lay about. I lie to myself about how productive I am.
I am not this disease.
I am a worrier. I believe others judge me. I make no changes in my behavior.
I am not this disease.
I am in debt. I waste money. I have 63 pairs of shoes.
I am not this disease.
I am a hypocrite. I over eat. I counsel at a food bank but waste food at home.
I am not this disease.
I am judgmental. I have no insurance. I despise sitting in the waiting room at the state clinic.
I am not this disease.
I felt that the gay community viewed me and other gay men living with HIV as dirty.
I wore the camouflage of my white upper middle class culture like armor. If I presented myself the right way perhaps it would soften the blow. Convince my people that I was still one of their own. Wash off the taint of HIV. That act worked until I said the words. Fessed up. Spilled the beans. The taint never leaves.
Today my life is different. School, work and a move made a difference. These are my words today.
I am not this disease.
I am a productive. I work. I study. I write.
I am not this disease.
I am confident. I praise myself. I live in principle.
I am not this disease.
I am saving. I consider my spending. I have what I need.
I am not this disease.
I am a healthy eater. I eat what I need. I counsel at a food bank.
I am not this disease.
I am compassionate. I pay my medical bills. I am content to sit with others in my situation.
I am not this disease.